Long entry warning.
I have always yearned for an overseas education. I am not saying that the universities in Singapore are sub-par. I just want to get out of comfort zone and go out into the unknown to experience something different. I want to grow my world view and expand my horizon. This is why, I wanted to be educated overseas.
My family is not rich. We are able to make ends meet and can afford some form of luxuries (like getting myself a copy of Starcraft 2) but we definitely afford to send anyone overseas to study. That is why I needed a scholarship. Besides, a scholarship would come with a bond – a job that could remove the uncertainty of find employment that one would face after graduation. Therefore, I needed a scholarship that could finance my education and provide me with a job I liked.
The National Infocomm Scholarship would fit the bill perfectly. It became my “dream” scholarship to attain during Junior College. I knew that putting all the eggs in one basket was not a good idea. And so I applied for a lot of scholarships.
In the month of March 2008, I was disappointed by two things: A Level Results and this. (In retrospect, I am glad that things turned out that way – they were probably blessings in disguise. I would not be who I am here today if things did not turn out the way they did.) Wanting to achieve much more than what I perceived was a lack of achievement at that time, I signed up for too many scholarships.
Based purely on my paper qualifications and perhaps, essay, I breezed through many of the paper clearance and gained an audience with an interview panel. I even had to reject some of the offers because I was frankly not interested in the bond. I failed at all interviews promptly afterwards. I think I was not prepared. I was not confident enough. I was not tacit in the things I said. I probably didn’t really know myself and what I wanted at that time.
In year 2009, things were much worse. My unit was going to Brunei and I hardly had time to apply for any scholarships. I never went for any interviews.
As I neared ORD, I realize that if I wanted to achieve my dreams, I had to do more. Spurred on by the encouragement from a friend (Kian Hong), I went on to apply for universities overseas. I toiled hard on the essays and SATs. Eventually, after months of hard work, I landed up with offers from all the UK applications. The US applications were not so peachy but I guess that was fine. Competition was too tough this year.
It was scholarship season. I applied to all these scholarships while I was working, working on the essays during my free time and weekends. I was determined. This was my last shot at it. I had to get something from it.
I went for the interviews by NatSteel (I don’t know why I applied for this. I don’t really have much interest in working in that industry.) The format of interviews by NatSteel was pretty interesting. The first round consisted of a discussion with two other candidates in front of a panel. I was terrified at the notion initially. I was lucky – the topic was on New Media versus Tradition Media. I was pretty well versed in this topic because of General Paper and I held strong opinions on the topic. I went all out. (Well, this is a dog-eat-dog world. No offence to the other candidates) I defended my opinion strongly and I rebutted that of others. I felt good. Eventually, after the rounds, I was offered a local scholarship by the company.
On the other hand, I was interviewing for ST Engineering as well. ST Engineering was another company I would have liked to work for. Things didn’t go so well when they asked me to study in China just because I was from Dunman High and should be fluent in Mandarin. No thanks (and on hindsight, rather un-tactfully). And I got rejected at the second round. I was devastated. I had lost my final shot at studying overseas. I went on to write a very emotional note on Facebook, reproduced below.
I am in a flurry of emotions right now. I just received a blow this morning when I checked my mail to discover that I am out of the race in the ST Engineering interview.I had seen this coming after my lackluster second round interview. Of all the things that went wrong, I think it was the part about going off to China to study. No way am I going to entertain that. You could say I got what I had coming but it is still a blow.
Because it simply means the end of my pursuit of an overseas education. After all the pains in application that I had gone through, it has come down to this. I came into this process knowing full well that I could possibly fail and that I wanted to go through this because I don’t want to have regrets later on in life when I look back and realized that I could have tried something. But right now, I wish I had not even tried.
I’ve always thought that studying anywhere is fine. I have nothing against studying locally though I would love to have to chance to fly elsewhere to study. I am very comfortable right here with all the people I know and care about and it will be difficult to leave them behind, albeit even temporarily, to go overseas.
It is the feeling of failure that sucks. I did not manage to achieve what I desired. Is it because I am inept? Inadequate? Or simply not good enough? It is definitely a blow to my confidence.
When the dust settles, I will be feeling fine again but right now I am too focused on the negative. I understand that you cannot always get what you want in life but I have never really tasted success on a difficult task. I feel like a failure sometimes.
But friends, if you are reading this, take heart that I will climb on my feet again. I don’t intend to give up. Since I cannot go overseas for my Bachelor degree, I will try again next time, be it for Masters or for work. For all those who had your faith in me, I am sorry to disappoint. I am very disappointed in myself as well.
It is perhaps a bittersweet moment when I realize that I do not have to leave anyone behind. Painful and yet grateful.
(Actually perhaps deep down in my heart, I wanted to study in NTU. I don’t know – I am confused.)
I received a lot of advice and kind words from many friends. I would like to thank all of you for that. They helped.
And so I was struggling with accepting a scholarship for work in a company that I was not sure if I would like. I was debating about simply accepting a scholarship for the perks and face potential problems in the work later on. Just as I despaired, two beacons of light shown my way.
NTU replied with a date for my Nanyang Scholarship Interview and IDA called me up to go for an interview. I was ecstatic. I have one final shot at my dream scholarship. I went for the interviews at IDA, never expecting too much. To my delight, I passed through the rounds and finally, on a Friday evening while I was out shopping with my brother, I received a call that told me of the good news.
A new chapter of my life began. (I eventually told NTU not to interview me because I already had the scholarship. I just wanted to mention it because NTU’s offer came first and it really offered me a lift out of the darkness I was facing.)
This chapter is still ongoing. The next chapter shall begin on 30 September 2010 at 1245 hours as I lift off from Singapore Changi Airport. Until then, I would like all of you, my friends, to be part of this chapter.
9 comments
Chin says:
July 30, 2010 at 00:42 (UTC 8 )
“Until then, I would like all of you, my friends, to be part of this chapter.”
I’d be in this chapter and beyond!
Yong Wen says:
July 30, 2010 at 01:05 (UTC 8 )
Lol, wish I had the “like this comment” feature here.
SQ says:
July 30, 2010 at 01:19 (UTC 8 )
get ur hands dirty and integrate the comments to work and sync with fb! Ha!
Yong Wen says:
July 30, 2010 at 01:54 (UTC 8 )
Lol probably more complicated than that!
Han Teng says:
August 1, 2010 at 01:18 (UTC 8 )
btw it’s to my delight not too my delight. but yes mr. chua you always had it in you. even in sch i feel that most of the time it’s merely that lack of courage to burst out there and do it. well and i think you would have had been a good pres, at least better than moi! cheers my fellow uni mate!
Yong Wen says:
August 1, 2010 at 08:35 (UTC 8 )
Haha thanks for that. I think it was army that taught me the courage to be more confident in myself.
Don’t grill me over a small typo leh… :p
wonght says:
August 1, 2010 at 21:46 (UTC 8 )
of course i must haha =P and well hopefully you learn to trust thyself more!
Yong Wen says:
August 1, 2010 at 21:47 (UTC 8 )
Don’t know why yours still need moderating. Let me investigate why.
Daniel says:
August 6, 2010 at 23:14 (UTC 8 )
=]